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If Famous Brands were “Pzizz-ified”

Posted on February 27 2020

NASA

What if Pzizz was a government agency dedicated to better sleep? Most government agencies are pretty boring, but NASA makes dreams come true. And modifying Neil Armstrong’s quote makes a perfect slogan:

“That’s one small nap for man, one giant sleep for mankind.”

Alka Seltzer

Nausea, heartburn, indigestion, upset stomach and insomnia? Hey pzizz-mol! No wait, if there was an effervescent tablet for sleep, a better jingle would be the 1976 Alka-Seltzer campaign “Plop plop, pzizz pzizz, oh what a relief it is!”

MLB

If sleep were a sport, Pzizz would be the major league. White noise generators? That’s for AAA minor league sleepers. When you’re ready for the big leagues, sleep like a pro with Pzizz.

Twitter

The logo didn’t change much for this one, but let’s take a look into the Black Mirror. In a world of biofeedback sleep devices, imagine if Pzizz could tap into your sleep, decode your dreams, and autotweet them. It would be an impossibly amazing twist on social media. I wonder what [insert your favorite controversial celebrity] would sleep tweet?!

Pizza Hut

Given the similarities between pizza and Pzizz, it’s easy to understand why pizza is our #1 enemy.

As the great Bugs Bunny once said though, “if you can’t beat ’em, join ‘em!” But how would this crossover work? Sleep and pizza at the push of a button? You start your nap and by the time you wake up, your pizza is waiting at your door. Could life get any better?

Heineken

Waaaazzaaaaaup… with your sleep?!

Some people use alcohol to help them at bedtime (which is a terrible idea by the way, since it may help you fall asleep quickly but lowers sleep quality dramatically).

“Open your world” to a new sleep experience with Pzizz.

Google

The name Google is derived from the word “googol” which is equal to 10 to the 100th power. Similarly, Pzizz has a hidden meaning. We could just tell you, but we think it would be more fun if you Pzoogled it.

LEGO

Little plastic toys that can build just about anything your mind can imagine. If Pzizz was a toy, you would be able to build the best sleep you could imagine. All without the nightmare of stepping on an unimaginably painful brick that you misplaced. Why, why didn’t you put them all away like Mom told you to?!

PEPSI

Are you ready for the Pzizz challenge?

Always Pzizz cola. Wait, I think that’s a coca cola jingle. A Pzizz beverage would likely be a lot more like 5 hour energy. Tired of that 2:30 feeling? Don’t fight it with energy drinks. Down a pzizz, wake up feeling refreshed in 20–30 minutes.

Subway

Puh-zizz, sleep fresh! With a jingle so catchy, no one would be confused on how to pronounce Pzizz. Now that the $5 footlong is gone, the Pzizz sandwich shop would offer subs in twin, full, queen, and California king sizes.

Tesla

Sleep your way to work. Your dream is Pzizz’s reality. Just the thought of being stuck in the crawl of rush hour is enough to make you not want to get out of bed. With Pzizz on the road, rush hour will have to be renamed to hush hour. “Ssshhhhhh!”

Capital One

Your sleep debt is holding you back. It’s time to make some serious deposits in your account. Maybe even refinance. We offer great rates to make your dreams come true.

Pringles

Sleep in a can. We’re going to be billionaires.

Victoria’s Secret

Probably not a good defense to use in court. Also, in what circumstance do you want your lingerie to put people to sleep? This pairing seems to be doomed for failure. But we’ll never tell. Because it’s a secret. SUPER SECRET.

Supreme

For all you hype beasts looking to flex while still looking Gucci, look no more fam. Pzizz streetwear would be litty af. And if you didn’t understand any of that, just blame the millennials.

BMW

Let the auto-pilot guide you through your favorite dreamscapes, driving you through a deep sleep that earns its reputation as “The Ultimate Sleep Experience.”

Ready to Improve Your Sleep?

Try Pzizz. We design soothing audio that’s clinically proven to help you get better rest. Available on iOS and Android.